This blog has never been about the thing I'm about to blog about. This blog is about cooking and crafting and having too much pumpkin, but the thing I'm about to blog about is also a part of who I am, so I feel compelled to share it with you now.
A friend - not a real-life friend as we've never met in person, but certainly a REAL life friend in that I feel I can count her as such - is going through something really scary right now. Her little boy, completely out of the blue, had a seizure the other night. Tonight, he had another. I found out via Twitter, which seems so silly but also makes me so thankful that, for all the drivel that goes on there, there are moments when things that actually matter are shared.
In her blog and her tweet, she asked for prayers. The thing is, I don't pray. I consider myself Agnostic and no, I don't particularly want to debate that right now, thankyouverymuch. Since I don't pray though, I've always said to people, "You are in my thoughts." I write it on sympathy cards and say it to friends all the time. And yet, right now, that just doesn't feel like enough. I know that prayer brings comfort to some but I just know that's not the answer for me.
That said, your thoughts? If you do believe in prayer, does the knowledge that someone is thinking of you and concerned for you enough to provide comfort, or does a higher power need to be involved for it to make a difference? And if you don't pray or don't believe in prayer, do you say or do something other than keep people in your thoughts?
I hope for this to be a polite, genuine discussion about the ways in which we extend comfort to others, but note that I am not above ass kicking if folks get all shouty up in the comments.
Oh @meggygirl, I never know what to do in these situations either. I tell people I'm "thinking good thoughts" for them, but it feels like an impotent gesture compared to "I'm invoking the universal capo do tutti capo to personally intervene in your life". Replicable science has found, though, that group concentration (whether prayer or mindful thought) on the behalf of humans and bacteria in petri dishes does result in better outcomes than the less loved controls. So, we continue to offer our love and best wishes for that baby boy to CUT IT OUT already and for his momma to continue to be so brave. @sarahmcdallen
ReplyDeleteI tend to go with the "you'll be in my thoughts," as it feels disingenuous to say I'll pray for someone. I don't think I can provide the level of prayer that they're looking for. Sometimes, if I feel like it needs to be bumped up a little, I'll say, "My heart goes out to you, and you'll be in my thoughts." And then of course, you can always tell someone that you'll be there for them in whatever way you can be.
ReplyDeleteAnd then, I do make a point to keep the person in my thoughts. I am also agnostic, so I am open to the possibility that a prayer might be heard. So, I do take a few moments to purposefully think about the person who needs my thoughts, and wish them well, and hope for the best on their behalf. It sounds a little weird to say that I do that, and that I don't call it "praying," but I am such an internal person that it's not weird for me to just focus my internal monologue for a bit on a certain person.
I don't believe in prayers, but when people tell me they're praying for me, I appreciate it because I know it means that they care about me and are hoping the best for me. I go with "You're in my thoughts" and an offer of doing whatever I can do to help.
ReplyDeleteI think I've realized, though, that just the offer of help is not enough in most cases. To be truly helpful, I think you just have to show up and do it. I'm not saying that in every case it's necessary to drop what you're doing and show up on someone's doorstep (and especially if it's a person you've never met, that could be awkward).
But I guess what I'm trying to say (which is not at all the point of your post, I'm sorry) is that no, thoughts are not enough, even though a lot of the time it's all we can do. I haven't been the best about showing up when I think people might possibly need me but are not asking for my help. But I want to try to get better because I know it's hard to ask for help. And it's hard, sometimes, to even know that you need help.
Meggy,
ReplyDeleteWe've had this discussion before and it's difficult to feel as if there is no active action you can take but keeping someone in your thoughts, sending positive energy their way, is like a prayer just without appealing to some higher power.
Maybe it's leftover from Catholic school, but in times like these I go down to the chapel and light a candle. It's something small but that little light burning as a symbol of someone's wish is somehow comforting.
Best Wishes,
Jess